Dear Friend

Paigeann, 

  When I first met you I remember seeing this woman with pink hair & not knowing anything about your story I was instantly drawn in!  

   You taught me so much in the short time we had together.  You always made me want to be better.  I could sit down and unload my petty problems to you & you just sat there really listening & then offer extremely helpful advice!  Every time!  You were the most self-less person I have ever met!  You got me up that darn Sherman Hill in Fayetteville! You  kept me running when I wanted to quit.  You showed me what it really meant to fight!  

   Your smile was infectious. Your hugs made me feel that all was right with the world.  Your spirit was always bright.  Your soul was beautiful.  Your strong hands took my pain away.  Now Gods strong hands have taken your pain away.

     You changed my life, P.  I know not just mine but seemingly every persons you encountered as well.  I love you and will forever remember & cherish our time together.  MUAH!!

*my dear friend Paigeann Fugaro Mapley-Brittle passed away Sunday night after a long battle with cancer.  When I met her in 2009 she had just beat stage 4 metastatic breast cancer.  It since came back.  She left behind a beautiful & intelligent little boy named Rugger & an amazing & loving Husband Jon.  Please pray for all of her family & friends during this difficult time.

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time  are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. (Romans 8:18 ESV)

Forgetfulness and Friends

I keep forgetting that just 3 weeks ago my husband & I went through something very traumatic. I don't forget that we lost a child I just forget that it was only 3 weeks ago. I forget that we are grieving and I forget that my life does not need to be normal yet. I forget that it's ok if my house is not clean and that my dishes and laundry are piling up and that I just want to wear sweats all the time. I forget that I need to rest. I forget that it's ok to rest. I forget that it's ok to have off days. I forget to let myself have off days. I forget that it's ok not to cook dinner and that its ok to cry and cry often.

When we were in the emergency room 3 weeks ago a nurse came in to speak to us about what was happening and she said that for most pregnant women they get on the roller coaster & get off at the end of the pregnancy with their baby in their arms. I was thrown off the roller coaster. The car I was riding in derailed. My hormones are relentless and I am so confused.

You know the television commercials that show a girl standing in the middle of a crowd & they fast forward the crowd but she remains still? That is how I'm feeling. Everyone has continued on with their everyday tasks & I'm sitting there watching it all move around me without any sense of purpose or direction.

I do not expect anyone to drop their lives to console me but at the same time people have stopped talking to me...friends talk to other friends about me but not to me. I need you all more than ever and if we really are friends then you should know that I need you and that you can direct your questions to me.

The last couple of days I feel like I'm being left behind because people don't know what to say to me. Here's a tip...say what you would have said before! I desperately need that "normal" in my life right now. Especially because the last few days I can't tell up from down.

A friend told me that from her experience people will be coming out of the woodwork to offer condolences and share their stories to let me know that I'm not alone and to offer support. I have found the opposite to be true in my case. In fact less people talk to me now than before. And this may sound pathetic but I've learned that I need to tell people what I want and need from them.

Don't misunderstand either people are there for me and I am so grateful for them. I am just hurt by the ones that have backed away. Being on another continent from all of my family and most of my friends doesn't help either.

Please don't be afraid to say anything to me and please remember that as hard as it is for you it's just that hard for me too plus some.


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The Best Part

Thank you everyone who has reached out to us since we shared our story. It means so much to us to know that so many people care!
The next part to our story is by far my favorite and I am so excited to share it with you!  It just proves to me that God knows what he is doing and we may not always like how he goes about things but ultimately there is a plan & it is ALL connected!
In August we were blessed with some new amazing friends here in Germany! For the first time that I can remember, a friend that I can talk openly about my faith with and learn from her vast knowledge(especially compared to mine!) of Jesus!  I was so excited to have a friend who is just as excited about The Lord as I am!
I say that to say this...since her and her husband had just moved here they were looking for a new church home, which was something we had been doing as well but on an extremely part time basis!  Christopher, for some reason has had reservations and I believe it was because he was uncomfortable at the first church we found so we just kind if stopped going. Anyway, one day my friend told me about this church she read about that she really wanted to try out one Sunday.  I did some research on the place & told Christopher about it.  When we found out that I was pregnant I felt even more that we should be going to church every weekend! So in September I got Christopher to agree to go with me to try this new place out.  Well then some things happened in the world & his work got a little crazy & he had to work almost every Sunday in September & then we had company come & had trips planned but had agreed on September 30 that the Sunday after our family left we would try out this new church.  Promise made it was happening & I was so excited!
Well then the miscarriage happened & our company left & we knew that we needed Him even more than before so we got up Sunday morning and went to Frontline Community for the 11 o'clock service on October 21 2012!  It was a day that truly changed our lives!!
When we walked in (more relaxed than we ever have been when trying out a new church I might add!) we instantly fell in love with the relaxed atmosphere and all the smiling faces everywhere and all the chatter!  We found some seats kind of tucked in the corner so we could try to hide and just observe!  Well that didn't work! Almost as soon as we got to our seats a man came over to us to introduce himself.  We talked for a few minutes and he asked us if we had any children.  My husband quickly and graciously answered the man with a simple not yet but hopefully one day.  The man then said to us to not rush and let God take the lead!  He told us to just enjoy each other while it is just the 2 of us because he and his wife didn't have much time after getting married before their first child came and now they have about 5 & look forward to the day when it is just the two of them again!!   That was the first thing that happened & we were immediately like "God is here & that was His way of telling us that this is where we need to be!"  A couple of other people came and introduced themselves to us after that too, which has never ever happened to us in any church that we went to for the first time!
Then they start the worship with songs and after a few songs the pastor tells us the story of how they pick the songs every week and how this week there were a couple songs that he didn't feel fit but for some reason God would not let him cast them off!  He says how he comes up with a plan every week but this week God was telling him he had to do something different.  He says all week God has been leading him to talk about healing.  As soon as he said they Christopher & I instantly looked at each other & of course I started crying!  He preached on healing & says that there are so many people with pain that need healing whether emotional, physical or whatever it was.  He asked for everyone who was in pain to please stand & he then asked the others to go to those standing and pray over them if they felt it in there hearts.  And would you believe that a woman came to us.  She told us that God had been pulling her heart towards us since the pastor had started talking.  She said that she had no idea what our story was or what our pain was but she asked if she could pray over us.  I was crying so much that I could not speak but she knew & began to pray over us & she asked the Lord to fill our hearts with peace and to take our pain away and to know that he is ultimately in control and to please bring us a sense of peace in knowing that he is in control & to please fill our hearts with peace.

the service went on and when we walked out of the front doors that morning there was an instant weight lifted from our shoulders & since then have absolutely been filled with peace. I didn't get her name & one day I will speak with her and tell her how much her words helped us that day. That happened exactly one week after our baby passed & after connecting everything I can never say that God does not know what he is doing!

Our lives were changed that day & we have finally found a church home!! Even when we ever move Frontline will always have a place in our hearts!!

Glory be to God!

Heavy Heart...

I haven't posted in a long time and I apologize. Life has been kind of crazy & I feel that it is time to tell the world what has been going on. I started this blog so that our family & friends could keep up with us while living overseas so since I invited you all into our lives I feel I need to update you on everything.

For those of you who know we want to thank you for your kind words & prayers & support over the last few months & weeks.

On August 28 Christopher & I found out that we were going to be parents. So much love & joy immediately filled our hearts! We went to the doctor on what should have been my 10 week visit on October 1 and was told that our baby was only measuring at 6 weeks & the very confident Cpt told us that our dates were just off & there was nothing to worry about & to come back in 2 weeks. Of course we were nervous but we prayed & prayed & God gave us peace & reminded us that no matter what He is in control & has a plan.

Our babies picture from our visit! She was just a little sprout!



Then on October 11 I woke up to a little bit of bleeding. I carried on with my day in a peaceful manner thinking because it was so light that it was normal & everything was fine & my mom was visiting & it was her birthday. Then at 4:30am on October 12 I woke up to horrible cramping pains. (After I described them to the dr he said they were contractions)I tried to get comfortable again convincing myself that everything was fine until 6am when they were not getting any better & I was getting scared from googling my symptoms. I woke Christopher & we agreed to go to the ER. After they ran a bunch of tests & did several ultra sounds the dr came in to tell us that I was having a miscarriage.

Our baby stopped growing around 6 weeks, which was a week after we discovered that she was in there. What I was experiencing was my bodies natural way of pushing her out.

We had plans to go to Amsterdam for the weekend & I really wanted the distraction so we left the hospital around noon, came home & packed then got in the car & drove to Amsterdam. It was a wonderful distraction & one of the funnest & prettiest cities I have ever been to! Then on Sunday October 14 she passed.

Some people may wonder how we could have went out & had a good time while such an awful thing was happening and my response would be this.

God makes the ultimate decisions. There was nothing that we could have done to save her and honestly it would have been selfish of us to think that we could or even want to change the outcome. We look at this as a blessing and some people may argue & think that is an awful thing to say but let me explain.

It was a blessing because God chose us to carry his Angel. God chose our baby to go straight to heaven & not have to ever know any of the evils of our world. God has a plan & through this journey Christopher & I have grown stronger & deeper in love. We don't question Gods will we thank Him for blessing us with that baby even though it was for such a short time. We know we will see her again & until then she gets to be with my Grams & Gramps & all of our friends & family members that we have lost & miss so much!

We believed from the very moment we found out that our baby was a girl and her name was to be Abigail Grace Yates. Rest in Peace my little one mommy and daddy love you so much and we will see you again.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." ~Jeremiah 29:11


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Our House Part 3

Scary old basement! Not pretty & full of spiders but big & part of the house!


Already scary huh! LOL Oh and behind the red curtain is built in shelving! But again with the red!


On the way down Abraham is there to greet you!!







First little cubbie! Suitcases, racks of beer, & random Christmas decor that hasn't found a spot yet!




First door on the right is the"man room"! With built in work benches & stuff. Or our garage! We have a garage but all of our garage stuff has ended up in the basement! Easier access I guess!


The Pantry


Another room! Our American fridge.





Laundry Room










And another room!







The view back down the hall to the stairs!


There you have it!

A little history about our house is that it is old! It was built by the owners when they were first married. The upstairs was originally built as a separate apartment that they rented out to another family. Our living room was a bedroom & our office was a bedroom & the winter garden was an addition. I am not entirely sure of the layout of the upstairs, however, I do know that our bedroom was the kitchen! After they had children the family upstairs moved out & the house was converted to a single family home. Last spring the mother to our now landlords who were born in the house passed away and their father was unable to care for himself so was put into a home, which seem to be everywhere here! We are the first Americans to rent out the house and I feel a sort of responsibility to this house being the first Americans to live here and all! Maybe because we are also renting out our house in NC & karma can be a witch if ya know what I mean! Our landlords are very nice and speak a little English so communication is ok! They also pop in sometimes & since this is their childhood home it makes me nervous! Weird I know!

Hope you enjoyed our home! And MOST of you are welcome anytime! ;)

Cheers!

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Our House part 2

Up, up & away! The sleeping quarters!! ;) like I said yesterday we are still in the process of hanging stuff up so you may notice some of it sitting on the floor by where it is going to be hung! All the walls are concrete so it isn't as easy to hang stuff otherwise I woulda been had dat done!! Lol! Ok here is what you first see of our upstairs on the landing.


And I'm really not sure why but red is everywhere in this house! Straight ahead into the guest room!





Upstairs bathroom & our crazy hole-in-the-front toilet!





The view down the hall from our bedroom. Bathroom would be on the right before the stairs & guest room on the left past the cabinet.


Our bedroom notice the red curtains! I don't get it! That is a doorway out to a balcony.


Balcony





Our closet don't mind the sorted laundry on the floor!





The view(s) from our balcony since you can see the whole yard & sides of our house! First is straight out the door into the backyard. 2) looking straight down from the balcony; the back door going into the winter garden. Plus, a little glimpse of the gorgeous roses that span the width of the winter garden! 3) to the left a view of our driveway to the street. Notice the oil spot on the driveway :( that's from our first car. 4) right side of the house & 5 is also the right side of the house out towards the street.














Thats it for upstairs! Basement is next along with a brief history ofour house which i find very interesting!

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Our House part 1!

So I know a bunch of you have been anticipating a post on our house for oh I don't know six months or so! :) It is rather large with many rooms & three floors so i will post once per floor! So without further ado, here is our home!
Let's start without the outside! If you haven't seen this picture yet!




View from the front door standing in our foyer.




Living room to the right just past the first doorway




(behind me is the couch but I forgot to get a pic of that side of the room!)
Bathroom directly across from living room.




Hallway into the dining room




Dining room












Office




Winter Garden








And I know you are all eagerly awaiting the glimpse of the closet aka our kitchen! Don't blink! Notice you can see the oven in both pictures! And there is only one sink there. The cookie sheets are sitting on the counter! Also, the big door with the towel hanging on it in the second picture is our fridge!








Welp that's it! Our main living area! We still are in the process of hanging pictures & things. We are still looking for a desk for the office too! Next up is up stairs! And I promise a post about the car this week! Lol!
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